head_psychic

"You can take the man out of the nobility, but you cannot take nobility out of the man!"

Vick rolled her eyes, visibly exasperated when Shawn rolled under Van Metteren's settee. "Mr. Spencer, this is telling us nothing."

"What is this?!" the baron exclaimed, clearly stunned that nobody did more than looking annoyed, or, in Lassiter's case, growling a little at the man who just started playing rhythmic tunes with the old coil springs. "What is he doing?"

"Looking stupid," Lassiter replied. "Mind if I sit down?" When O'Hara and Vick both glared at him he looked defensive. "What?"

Shawn played halfway through 'Autumn Leaves' and then paused. "I can see it now! The spirit of your wife is making love! Gus! Gus! Get me out of here, the coil springs are crushing me, the spirits are humping their happy little spectral energies out, I do not wish to see this!"

Gus stood uneasy for a moment, hoping that maybe, if he stood here and exchanged gazes a little longer, this whole scene would just stop existing. When it didn't he walked over and roughly pulled Shawn out from under the ornamented, expensive sofa.

"You!" Shawn yelled as soon as he was on his feet again, index finger pointing straight at the baffled baron. "Need to clean up underneath your furniture."

"Shawn."

"And go to jail for murdering your wife and your butler, who was not only a lousy butler but sleeping with your wife!"

Van Metteren shook his head, still too stunned to be outraged yet. "This is ridiculous! Is this how the police works nowadays? Bringing in loons to toss wild suspicions at innocent citizens?"

"No, wait! The murderer is also the gardener? In this case the murderer really is the gardener!"

"Mr. Van Metteren does not have a gardener," Lassiter informed sourly.

"Then why do I see secateurs! They are so clearly in front of me my inner leaves are shaking in fear!"

Gus looked over at the baron. "Isn't hedge art a big hobby of yours, Mr. Van Metteren?"

"It's in the elephant! The murder weapon is in the elephant!"

"Antelope, Shawn."

"... antelope! The murder weapon is in the horrendous elephant-looking antelope!"

Juliet frowned. "The hedge at the entry of the mansion? I thought it was a lion."

"A lion?" Lassiter echoed, rolling his eyes. "Don't be ridiculous, O'Hara. It was clearly a jaguar."

"It is a turtle!" Van Metteren yelled, very red in the face by now.

There was a short silence.

While Lassiter mumbled something about 'lousy piece of work', Shawn looked uneasy. "Are you sure about this? I mean, you really wanna stick with that? A turtle?"

Gus shook his head. "No way in hell is that thing a turtle."

"Regardless of what it is," Vick interfered, her smile thin and dangerous, "how about we just go out there and check if Mr. Spencer's... premonition is right?"

Muse: Shawn Spencer
Fandom: Psych
Words: 485